really, its the nights that get bloody hard.

anticipationsadnessirritatedthankfuldisappointment

and then all over again the same things every single stupid night

i sleep at ten, get up at two and then can't fall asleep till 4

i'm sick sick sick of it, the stupid things. i just need to get all the stupid fu*king things out.

seriously i can't even make my mind concentrate on studying for prelims next week. okay something's affecting the mind and no i'm not bathing in self-pity or whatsnot. i suppose its when i really need someone to connect with how i'm feeling or something. its making me want to tear all my hair out or just dig at something until it all passes.

&(%^&;A$^%$^%##^%#&%$#^%#^%#%&$^*%*(^&^$^$^&$

really sometimes it really gets to me. i'm not mad or crazy lah, haha. and i'm not asking for people to feel sorry for me or just ask me whats wrong because they feel that they are forced to. whatever's been "torturing" me nightly has already happened to others. there's no one to blame or whatever. i suppose its just me.

i'm perfectly alright. (: just a random passing in life!

tv night is tonight. somehow it doesn't give me the lifting feeling that it usually gives me.

anyway, how was English today??

SEBO. get well soon! missing you plenty! haha. study hard yeah.

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I dont get hurt
Because of you I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I dont know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
Im ashamed of my life because its empty
Because of you I am afraid

on the other hand, there is a Harry Potter Ipod! hahaha.

and playing badminton with the brother is good because he helps me to get out all the oppression that i have! haha. omg he's super lame. i was playing Helena on the computer and he asked me whats the title of the song. i answered Helena and he was like why the name so weird one! OKAY. haha.

byebyeeeeeeeee. (:

Drunk and I'm feeling down
and I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channeled all your pain
and I can't help you fix yourself
Your making me insane
All I can say is

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel